


Feeling Guilty

by angelofthenightposts



Category: Steve Rogers - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 23:20:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17110067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelofthenightposts/pseuds/angelofthenightposts
Summary: Steve feels guilty after the accident you have.





	Feeling Guilty

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, love you all. Also you can find me on Tumblr, username @angelofthenightposts

After a busy working day, you sighed heavily. As you put the keys in your hand into the bowl, you took off the stilettos on your feet. You wanted to cook some pasta and finish the rest of the wine you kept in the cupboard. As you walked into your bedroom by turning on all lights, you started to take off your clothes. You turned on the music system in the bedroom and walked to the bathroom while mumbling the playing song. The only thing that it could save you from the boringness of living alone was the music that echoed in the whole house. While waiting for the water to be ready, you removed the makeup and looked at the real you. Although you weren’t much make-up fan, the foundation stain on the wet wipes said the exact opposite. It was very tempting to spend the weekend resting at home without doing anything. Your shoulders were aching because of sitting all day in front of the computer screen, and your eyes were a little red, you thought about the glasses that your mother suggested on the phone. You didn’t know how it could help, but your mother said they were specially made for eye strain. You decided to search it on Google after the shower and got under the water and waited for the warm water to relax your whole body.

You were angry at Steve for not calling or texting you all day and reached out the body wash. When there were so many men in the world, you lost your heart to Captain America. The first time you saw him, he was looking at computer screen. When you asked if you could help, he smiled you like a kid was caught on the very act and said “Technology. I can’t still understand it.” At that moment, you felt like on the edge of the ocean while looking at his blue eyes, Captain America wasn’t a brutal one as everyone told. On the contrary, he was looking at you warmly; you wanted to know the man more. He wanted to learn about the changing world while he slept for seventy years. After a few weeks, you found his little notebook by chance and giggled while reading what he had written, the films everyone watched years ago, the songs that were no longer heard, everything was noted. These weren’t the only things Captain America fell behind; he was concerned about love and relationships too. You caught him a couple of times while looking at you, and when your eyes met, he hesitantly smiled and missed his gaze. You didn’t know why he was shy to ask you out, you knew he felt same about you like you did for him. You realized that you had to take upper hands and invited him to watch one of the movies in theaters. Steve Rogers first looked at you with amazement and admired you for being braver than him. Before you two went to the cinema he told you about the 40s on the road and helped you understand him better. Your dates under the name of showing Steve the modern world had brought you to at present. You were kind of couple, now. The only problem with this was Steve’s other life, the life which he saved the world from evil … You couldn’t lump him together with your exes, none of your ex-boyfriends told you they had to fight bad guys and leave you alone for a few days. You never knew when you could see him again; you didn’t even know he was okay. You lived worrying about him every moment you were away from him. When you realized that you missed him, you pressed your lips together. Your family lived for miles away, you didn’t have many friends. For the first time, you were feeling good to someone, it was Steve. Even spending time together without doing anything special for hours made you forget everything.

Your damp hair on your shoulders, you went down the stairs while looking for your dog. Snoop always greeted you at the door at the moment he heard the footsteps. After calling him a few times, you waited for him to come out of the corner, maybe he couldn’t hear you because of the music and you paused the music. You filled yourself a glass of wine while gazing at the food and water bowl on the corner of the kitchen. When you started looking for your only companion in the house, your mind had already begun to come up with worse thoughts. You came to the living room, whistling, shouting his name, looking for your dog in each corner. With the view you saw in the middle of the living room, you felt your heart stopped. Your gaze still on the floor, the glass in your hand fell down and divided into a thousand pieces.

Snoop’s lifeless body lying on the white carpet, you wanted to scream and run to him, but there were blood stains. You weren’t alone; there was a stranger in your home. You oscillated between running away and taking your dog in your arms. When you turned around, you bumped into the body that caught you. When he wrapped his hand around your neck and lifted you into the air, you tried to get rid of him. Your gazes still on the man, the air in your lungs were running out. After punching his face, the pressure on your neck went even higher. It didn’t stop you. The hands in your neck relaxed as you continued to do all the moves Steve taught. The man spat the blood in his mouth while you were looking for an escape route, and nobody told you that punching would be so painful for you. Knowing that you couldn’t use the entrance door of your house, you looked for something to protect yourself as you run to the kitchen. You grabbed the largest and brightest knife on the kitchen counter and hoped you’d protect yourself. When you saw the guy looking at you, you held your breath. With every step he took to you, you stepped backward. Your brain wasn’t working fast enough to create a new escape plan. He grabbed your wrist when you pointed the knife at his big body. Knowing that you’d not have a chance against the man, you used all your strength to stab him with a knife. Your vision got blurry and the knife jumped away from you after he slapped you. You felt completely blacked out after his punches. When the glass coffee table which you fell on broke, you felt like dozens of knives sunk on your back. Your breath was cut off, and when you turned your head to the right, you saw black boots approaching you. You couldn’t control your body, even if you wanted to get up and run. As you tried to escape from the man by crawling, he caught you from your legs and seconds later he was on you. In the moonlight you caught his eyes, looking at you with his victorious smile. You knew the victory wasn’t yours when he stuck the knife right into your stomach.  
You started to wake up in your sweet sleep while feeling like there were elephants on your eyelids. While listening to the calm and rhythmic beep voice, you forced your eyes to open. You could feel the heat touching your right hand; you could hear the conversations around. The first thing you saw was a white light when you opened your eyes after blinking a few times. You tried to figure out where you were while wincing and thinking you would be blind. When you remembered the last moment, your heartbeat quickened, your mouth went dry. You wanted to get rid of the hands pushing you back.

“Y/N, it’s me! You’re fine, don’t move. “You stopped with the familiar voice, you never felt so relieved before. While all the doctors gathered around you, you didn’t take your eyes off from Natasha for a moment. You were afraid that if you blink or look at another place, Natasha wouldn’t be with you. She tried to smile at you while squeezing your right hand. "Steve, he will be very sorry after hearing that you woke up without him.”

“I’m fine, N. I don’t need another pillow.” Natasha stared at you when she walked to your hospital bed with the white pillow she held. You shook your head at the woman pointing to the pillows that support you in the back. Natasha and you fell into silence after she sat back in the chair next to your bed. You had so many questions, what happened? Who found you? Who attacked you? When you turned to her to ask your questions, someone knocked on the door and you both looked at the door.

“I leave you alone. See you later, Y/N. "Natasha left the room after saluting the man at the door, Steve hesitantly stepped in. You wanted to hug the guy, cry between his arms and ask where the hell he was. His gaze on the floor, he sat on the chair. You could see he was tired.

"How do you feel?” Steve’s cold voice hurt you more than a stab wound.

“I’m still high from all the drugs, so I guess I’m fine.” You lifted your head and looked at the man while playing with your fingers. While the blue eyes gazing at you, you licked your lips. You hated Steve’s wounded look more than the taste of your mouth. “Steve?”

“I’m sorry; I left for an hour to take a shower. The doctors said you might be discharged in a few days. "You just shrugged, as long as you felt fine, the rest wasn’t so important. This room was more relaxed than your home. You pressed your lips together as you thought about your home. It was probably ruined, your dog was dead. You were afraid to go there; you didn’t want to step inside your house again.

"Who was he?” you tried your luck again when you saw Steve arching his eyebrow and looking at you. “Who was he, who attacked me?”

“Someone you shouldn’t think anymore. He can’t touch you anymore; you’re safe here with me. "When Steve’s long fingers stroked your chin, you shut your eyes.

"I never thought I’d be the one to hurt you.”

“What are you talking about, you didn’t do anything.” He shook his head as he looked at you, pain in his eyes.

“Yes, I couldn’t do anything, that’s the problem. I couldn’t be there with you that night; I left you alone with that prick. If Natasha didn’t come to your home to take you out that night … “You looked at the man in anger as you were shaking your head. He shouldn’t have felt the burden of all the bad things in the world on his shoulders, it was unfair to Steve.

"Steve, look at me.” When he persisted looking down, you got up from the pillows you were leaning on and stretched out towards Steve. “You’re not responsible for all of this, okay? The world is full of pricks; you can’t try to save me from every single one. You aren’t responsible for me. You can’t feel guilty because you were dealing with bigger issues on one side of the country. ”

“Look at you, Y/N! Everyone who wants to take revenge, who is after my blood, they are hunting you down, too. They are hurting you, and that’s the last thing I want. "Steve got angry, and when he started to pace up and down, you watched him without saying something. You could understand that he felt bad, you could understand his guiltiness. But you didn’t like the end of this conservation. "I wanted to save you. I wanted to be a hero and save you. I’ve been away from you to catch bad people. How did I miss my chance? ”

“Steve, I had a life before you, the bad guys didn’t come with you. There were bad guys I had to deal with before, yes, maybe not so much. But is not that why you wanted to be a hero? To save people from evil? How do you feel bad when you do what you believe in? I am all right, everything is alright, I am alive. ” 

Steve chose to watch out in the window without saying anything. He had felt so bad during those two days that he thought he had lost you. He was mad at himself, for not being with you, for not protecting you. He remembered why he stayed away from the relationships; the possibility of someone else being hurt because of him didn’t make Steve feel comfortable. He could forget all these fears for a moment when he met you. Natasha’s call was a sign sent to the man to remember. He was thankful to you for try to console him when you were afraid. You were strong, fearful, and full of love. Did he have the right to take all these from you? He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

“Try to rest a bit, I’ll stop by again.” Your relationship was new but you knew this look. When he bent and left a kiss on your forehead, you shut your eyes.

“If you get out of that door, I know you will not come again.” Your voice stopped Steve at the door, “I know you’re scared, Steve. You worry about me; you think you have no right to hurt me. You think I would be better without you. But you know what, you’re wrong! I need you, I need your love. Can’t you see that? ”

“I’m bad for you.” You wanted to punch Steve’s face; you wanted to hit the man until he came to his senses. When he left the door handle and looked at you, you looked at him in anger and miserable.

“What are you talking about? You are the best thing in my life. I don’t want to go back my previous life; I don’t want my boring life without you. I want a life with you. If it means that I have to deal with bad things, then I’m with you till the end. Because it’s better than all the other things waiting for me. ”

You were all serious about what you said, you wouldn’t leave him, let him leave you, and you knew he loved you. And you loved him more than anything; your love wasn’t so simple. When you opened your arms and hugged the man, Steve let his head fall into the crook of your neck. You felt safe when you leaned your head against his shoulder and closed your eyes.

“I love you; don’t ever think about leaving me again.” Steve smiled back and caressed your hair.

“I love you too. More than anything. "You smiled when he left a small kiss on your lips.


End file.
